(II)The Second Pillar : Sexual Equality

(II)The Second Pillar : Sexual Equality

The second pillar is that of sexual equality.

Sex Discrimination

Sex discrimination exists in the Nepalese society in the saddest of forms, in manners blunt and subtle.

If you are born a son, you inherit family property. If you are born a daughter, you are a second-class child right in your own family property. Your parents, to start with, deeply wish you had never occupied the womb. Once you are born, a lifetime of oppression and slavery is in store for you. Daughters are expected not to think independently. A woman is supposed to have a father, a husband, a son to think for her. If none of these, there always are male relatives. This deep male desire to rule over the female. You will probably never be sent to school. Who will do the household work otherwise? Your brothers get to choose things first. Soon you are married off to be made a maidservant and a sex vessel, a baby-producing machine, in another family. Especially in the southern plains of the Terai, the dowry system thrives as a social evil in which the girl child is the shuttle cork in the open greed of families for flashflood wealth. There have been instances when newly wed brides have been burnt alive in the homes of the bridegrooms, her crime being she did not bring enough dowry with her. It is all so sad. You become a wife, a mother, a grandmother and death knocks at the door. Your individuality never counted. You as an individual in your own right are not important, you are told from cradle to grave. This is what life is like for an average Nepalese woman who is deprived of the most basic of dignity. In all arenas of national life-family, civil service, politics, education, health, nutrition, commerce, law, industry, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera-the man not only dominates but also cruelly oppresses.

The women in this country live like third class citizens, the second place being reserved for the Teraiwasis.

The Females As Sex Objects

Female sexuality is casually taken for male property. Hard work, childbearing and raising and service to the rest of the family members is the doctrine for a woman's life. 'Decent males are those who talk as if the opposite sex were tobacco, alcohol or narcotic drugs. Do not go near them. They will spoil you. Profuse sexual harassment is the norm of the streets and the workplace. I have seen men on motorbikes throw condoms at the women on the pavement. A woman who might get into a relationship outside the one or none assignee by the collective male ego is thought to have dirtied herself. For a man it is male behavior.

A family's prestige is thought to reside in the sex organ of its female members.

A common scenario is brothers going out to forage for girls. But the slightest hint that their sisters might be interested in other boys or that other boys might be showing interest in their sisters drives them furious. Premarital sex is the worst sin that a daughter can commit. Even within the social institution of marriage, women are not supposed to take the initiative. It is only women with a loose character that express interest in sex. One-statistic claims 96.9 percent of women in this part of the world have never experienced an orgasm. Many describe sex a painful experience. Obviously there is little or no foreplay. A widower goes on to remarry. A widow is made to stand out and wait for death. It does not matter if she is only young. She is burn themselves off on their dead husbands funeral pyres in parts of south Asia. The male clients to the dwellings of prostitutes get away clean. The female prostitutes are looked down upon as the dirtiest members of society. Male prostates do not exist. When a woman gets raped, she is the one to be blamed. It must have been that you turned the rapist on by your appearance or your frank behavior. When a woman is abused, she brings shame to the family. Raped, immense shame. During periods of social breakdown, mob violence and riots, the rape of women is one of the first ideas that occurs to the mob that has gone berserk.

Although sex is an important part of any person's identity-male or female-a woman is much more than her sex. She is an individual.

More Sex Discrimination

Most parents desire two sons and a daughter. The son will extend the family tree. The son will extend the family tree. The daughter is not capable of doing that. And she cannot perform the death rituals of her parents. In a primarily agricultural country where the land is the source of all power, it is the sons who go on to inherit the land. The girl child gets breast-fed less. Sons receive better food, education and medical attention. The mortality rate for girls is higher than that for boys.

Especially for a high-caste Hindu girl, growing up towards sexual maturity means social isolation. Menstruating women are seen to be only in terms of bearing children.

A married woman who goes childless is accused of having committed some grand crime in her past life. One who gives birth to a girl becomes a symbol of bad luck in her community. Families compete with each other, as a matter of prestige, to retain their newly wed brides within the confines of the family house for as long a period as possible. It can be months. It can be years. The daughter-in-law of the rich headman of a village will probably be retained for the rest of his lifetime. Wife beating is a 'private' affair of 'reputed' families and should be unnoticed by 'decent' people.

In 'progressive' families, daughters are sent to school and collage. So that they will get 'good' husbands. Career women are a rarity in this country, a species with a very small population. Literacy among Nepal's women is a quarter that of males.

Women And Religion

The woman's powerlessness has its roots deep in religion and culture. In various south Asian secular constitutions that take great pride in their declaration of human equality, various religious laws taking women for objects rather than human beings have been allowed to carve a comfortable niche. An ideal Hindu Naree who is destined to go to heaven after death is one who gulps down all acts of oppression silently and overlooks the extramarital sexual adventures of the husband, fully knowing any similar acts by her means the end of the universe.

Even God stands only with men, referred a He with a capital H. How many female priests and religious leaders have you heard of? Less than a century back, a Hindu woman was expected to cremate herself alive with the dead body of her husband. Siddhartha Gautama left his young wife with their newly born child within the lonely boundaries of a royal bedroom. He went on to achieve Enlightenment. What did she achieve? When I returned back years later, why did she not feel like going to see him while the other ladies of the court rushed to do so? Why did she want to know if the blessed one saw any virtue in her? Her place used to be in Siddartha's arms. How did it end up being at the Buddha's feet? Why did the Buddha admit women into his religious community only after much hesitation? Muhammed married many wives. Why is a devout Muslim woman today supposed to keep herself hidden behind the burka, black veil? Jesus Christ is taught to have been born a virgin. Why cannot women become priests to the Churches? Why do male priests, so many of them, celibate as if celibacy were second religion? Celibacy, especially when enforced and demanded, is not a sex-neutral stand. It is definitely not the Almighty but the priests who pour all their energy into attaching the act of sexual intercourse to guilt for if it were the former; 'He' would not have created sex organs in the first place.

In the villages, quite a few old women get labeled witches. The way to un witch a witch is to force a drink of faucal matter down her throat so the folklore goes.

All our religious institutions deserve fundamental change. Because religion is such an important part of all our lives, we have a right to question the way religious organizations are conducted. The priests should under stand they are human beings just like the rest of us who have gone on to take specialized religious roles.

No religious community will be allowed to disregard the constitution and the laws of this country.

The image of women as the nurturers of the family and of traditional values is not bad in itself but when it is extended to justify an absent male sense of equal share in domestic responsibilities or to demand a silent acceptance of male oppression, the clock should start ticking

The kitchen considered the only female territory. The street and the workplace is supposed to belong exclusively to males. Compassion, love, Kindness, patience and forgiveness are considered feminine qualities signifying lack of courage. The words courage and manliness are understood to be synonyms. When the boys and men quarrel among themselves, some of the first words spurted out are "If your are man's son, come and accept my challenge. Let us fight it Quit."

The Dowry System: An Insult To The Females

The dowry system is one of the largest looming social evils in the Terai today, Second only to the racist air the Terai as a whole is dowry system makes parents feel daughters are burdensome creatures that need to be got rid off as soon as possible. The young men of the Terai need to prove they have the guts to break this evil practice by refusing to demand or accept dowry for their marriages. It is no financial sacrifice. A family pays for the marriage of the daughter and gets paid for that of the son. Where is the financial gain? Instead, because most of the dowry money goes down the drain in showy large-scale decorations and feasts, the system is a financial drain on the scarce resources of society. Getting daughters married is seen by fathers to wreck them favor by marrying her. As if the girl plus money were needed to balance the scale, while the boy is enough all by himself by virtue of being the sex he is.

I have met many 'progressive, well-educated' young men of the Terai who view the dowry system a social evil but would like to see it put to an end only after they have married and are secure off:

When I graduated form school, the price on my head was Rs. 200,000. I weigh 60 kg. That makes about Rs. 3,333 per Kg. The price is supposed to go up as one's career prospects brighten, often equated with educational achievements. I want to doctorate. That is my lifetime ambition. Imagine what after PHD.

Personally speaking, I feel insulted. As if I were to be slaughtered and my flesh sold out at so many rupees per kilogram.

The social evil whose rude name is the dowry system must come to an end.

In Economic Terms And In Terms Of Power

Poverty in the hill communities-it is no coincidence the most affected are the minority ethnic groups not considered the nation's mainstream-leads people to foreign soil. Males go on to join foreign armies. Nepalese blood was spilt on the Folk land and Sri Lankan islands for the British and Indian military adventures respectively during the past decade. The Sultan of Brunei, the richest person on earth, employs Nepalese bodyguards. The females, on the other hand, are poured relentlessly into the sex industry in the towns and cities of India, Middle men working for money trick them into the trade More than 200,000 Nepalese women work as prostitutes in India.

80 percent of this country's economy is represented by household production, the woman's domain. But this is all kept off the record. The household is not part of the national economy, is it? Government figures show the women compose 34 percent of the labor force female employment in the police service is minimal. In the army, it is non-existent.

The truth is the man works less. Women fetch drinking water, collect firewood, gather fodder, and provide substantial inputs to agriculture manuring, sowing weeding and other-and livestock. The woman's work schedule starts before the sun rises and ends only lat at night, encompassing the kitchen and the family farm and is for all the seasons.

Men are seasonally unemployed. And when out of work, they gossip and play cards. Hours of daylight are spent in the teashop, the evenings maybe in the liquor shop and the time before going to sleep probably beating the wife up, the one who had been working while he was gossiping, playing cards drinking.

The male oppression of the females is not a matter of the male wanting to do little or no work. It is not for sexual intercourse, the desire for which is shared for biological and emotional reasons, by both males and females. That is the way the Almighty has created us. Thank you.

So why do rapists rape? It is not a lust for flesh. The desire for sex is not unique to males anyway. It is a matter of power.

In the formal economy, most of the few women who are accepted are confined to a few low-productivity and women-specific jobs. Efforts must be made to widen occupational avenues for women. Women have a lot to gain through financial independence.

The extremely low divorce rate in the country does not reflect this is a country of extremely understanding couples. The vast majority of women do not know how to divorce. The situation is comparable to that of a tribe that can count only up to the number 10 for the number of fingers on the two hands. The number II does not exist. Those women who have been fed multiple doses of abuse do not know of an alternative to continuing with the marriage. No outlet is seen. Unhappy marriages, some even bordering to sadism, are taken like bitter medicine. Quietly, obediently, In extreme cases women either run away or put an end to their lives. Legal protection against domestic violence does not exist even on paper. Legal facilities are out of reach for most women anyway.

Times are changing. Women have started fighting for their rights. In small numbers, so far. But these few are expected not to rebel too much, too soon. The socio-familial spectrum of male domination does not much like being disturbed.

Chhath And Women

Chhath, the worship of the sun god, the sustainer of all life, celebrated in autumn, is the most important of all the numerous festivals in my mother culture of Mithila. This is a song he women sing for the Chhath.

O sun God, I prayed to you again and again
Please do not give me the life of a woman

Even if you gave me a woman's life, O sun God
Do not make me beautiful

If you gave me beauty
Do not give me a stupid husband

If you gave me a stupid husband
Do not make me a barren woman

If you make me barren
Do not give me the company of a co-wife

If you make me a co-wife
What crime had I committed?